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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402029">Cosmic Staring Contests</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdybyrd/pseuds/Byrdybyrd'>Byrdybyrd</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>idk AO3 tags, im sure i'll update these some day, very introspective</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:13:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdybyrd/pseuds/Byrdybyrd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Willing himself to be selfish for one moment, Leonardo takes it upon himself to simply exist.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cosmic Staring Contests</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>why are there so many songs about rainbows and whats on the other side</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was in Leo’s third viewing of The Muppet Movie that he realized he had a problem. The movie itself wasn’t the problem, in fact, it was a rather fantastic movie! But the fact that it was his third consecutive viewing that night that told him something was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brothers had gone to bed hours ago, and Leo knew that the sun would be up within the next hour or so. Another night wasted on mindless entertainment, though Leo suspected the TV had been running static for some time now. Would he lift his head up and open his eyes to check? Of course not. Floating in some world between sleep and consciousness, Leo allowed himself that moment to simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>exist</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because thinking would be too much at that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leonardo knew that those who knew him would never consider him the metaphorical type- one to look too deep into things and pick apart its meaning. That was for nerds, for people who cared, for those who actually thought about the events around them. Truth be told, that used to be Leo. He used to let things slide off of him, and never give it a second thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When had that changed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When had Leo started to second-guess everything he came across? Everything had a deeper meaning and his insomniac brain </span>
  <em>
    <span>yearned</span>
  </em>
  <span> to pull it apart in the cursed, ungodly hours of the night. There were thoughts with an authenticity only poetry could even begin to try to explain coursing through his mind at all times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But not tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight, Leo relished in the weight his blanket put on his chest, the way the cold seeped in through his finger tips, the biting feeling as he realized his jaw had been clenched for quite some time now. And Leo did nothing to change this, for this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> moment. He wouldn’t allow any demons to take it from him, for he had claimed it for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, Leo supposed it was selfish to try to claim a moment for yourself, but after all of the ones he had lost to cosmic staring contests, he couldn't bring himself to give a damn. He was too tired, didn’t have the energy, and figured he deserved to have one, simple moment to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Leo wouldn’t have his moment any other way. Maybe the warmth would be nicer, and maybe his clenched jaw could loosen up, and maybe this moment could be filled with questions and riddles that Leo would spend any other night racking his brain apart over. But he wouldn’t allow that tonight, because then the moment wouldn’t be </span>
  <em>
    <span>his.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Leonardo opened his eyes, and found them brimming with involuntary tears. How silly, the thought of owning a slice of time. His moment ended, the boy willed himself to stand and turn the television off, songs of rainbows and dreams following him to his room, where he slept soundly for the first time in months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ridiculous as it may be, Leo would cherish that moment he claimed as his own, until the moment he awakes. By then, it’s nothing more than a forgotten memory.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>rainbows are visions but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide</p></blockquote></div></div>
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